PLEASE NOTE – The
following is a “joke” letter. It is not real!
HOW TO WRITE AN
INSULTING LETTER .......
If this appeals why not pass the URL on to your friends
(and enemies?)
Dear Mr. Coyle,
It has been bought
to my attention that you are the author of a lot of rubbishy mind power and
motivational books. I read one and it was utter junk. Your belief system is
obviously totally screwed up and I find it surprising that you can live with
yourself. Having known you for many years I fully realise that you had an
atrocious childhood but this is no excuse for the rubbish you write. There are
many children who experienced an upbringing as disgusting as yours but they
have actually done something with their lives. So what if you got kicked out of
home several times before you were 10. What did you expect after you urinated
in the milk bottles the milkman had left on the verandah? And leaving peanut
butter smeared on the toilet seat while we had visitors was definitely not
funny. And those disgusting stories you told your headmaster about your mother
were totally unnecessary. After all nobody is perfect. You clearly blame your
upbringing for all your current woes but get over it! Others do! This letter
may come as a surprise as you haven't heard from me for many years but that is
the way I wanted it. After all who wants to be involved with a pathetic type
like you? It puzzles me why individuals like you aren’t made illegal and banned
from the human race! No doubt when you depart this mortal coil you will end up
downstairs to collect your accordion. Which will serve you right. I know you
hate accordions.
I sincerely hope
your life continues to be dismal and pointless.
Sincerely
Your Mother -
Nellie McJerkle
........................................................
Dear Mrs. McJerkle,
I was
interested to note that this is your fourth surname change. I gather your last
three husbands died of an unspecified illness. Did you bother to tell any of
them about that nasty little secret disease you contracted many years ago? I
did hear that somebody keeps drawing a Black Widow spider on your front fence.
But I suppose you'd be reluctant to call the Police. I remember my upbringing
vividly. In fact I still have horrendous nightmares about it. I distinctly
recall our kind hearted neighbor Robert who used to splint my broken bones
after your drunken "mild chastisement" sessions. Did he ever find out
that it was you who microwaved his two pet cats?
I vividly
remember the way you used to encourage me to play on the main road during peak
hour traffic. With cars swerving to miss me I can recall two bad traffic
collisions. I remember you thought that was funny. But you stopped that
stupidity after the police locked you up for a weekend. What ever happened to
that pet Tasmanian Devil you had? The one that used to bite our shovels in half.
No wonder you had to keep in on a thick steel wire leash. I seem to recall that
the police shot it after it bit a visitor’s leg off. Unfortunately the visitor
was from the children’s social welfare department. That took a lot of
explaining didn’t it? Of course it didn’t help that you were pissing yourself
laughing all during the police interview.
At least we
always had plenty of money no doubt acquired when you used to swim out to
American troop ships to entertain their sailors. Do you still sleep with your
mouth open and drool all over your pillow. I heard a couple of your male
customers comment on this. Apparently quite disgusting. What you think of my
books doesn’t matter to me. I’m surprised you remain sober enough to actually
read. I recall that you used to read a lot of comics, probably because they
were easier to understand and required less working brain cells.
I concluded
years ago that you were not only a waste of space but also an insult to
Einstein’s theory of relativity and living proof that Darwin’s theory of
evolution was a non-valid concept.
Affectionately
Your Son -
James
...................................................................................
If you particularly
like totally free mini-books that are somewhat life-changing go to –
http://www.mindtech.com.vu/wakeup.htm
And if you want to
sort out individuals who seriously annoy you check this –
http://www.mindtech.com.vu/success.htm